March 1, 2022
We are 60 days into 2022.
On average it takes 66 days to form a new habit, defined as when a new behavior becomes automatic. So, for those of you who set New Year’s resolutions, now is around the time when the trees of those declarations bear fruit (if you stuck to them, that is). Research shows, however, that by this time most people have not; by March 1, most everyone has already abandoned their New Year’s resolutions.
Over the past few days, I began reflecting on my resolutions and approach to goal-setting in general and started to notice some really unique (and insightful!) trends. If you’ve ever been curious about how my brain works this piece is for you.
My aspirations tend to fall into 3 buckets:
- Goals
- Things I Want To Do More Of
- Things That Would Be Really Cool To Do
Goals
It’s very infrequent that my NY Resolutions involve setting goals. Goals, for me, are concrete, measurable objectives. These aren’t something that I need the beginning of the year to prompt me to think about; they’re an outcome of the environment I find myself in. Say, I join a new soccer team in the summer, I assess where I’m at relative to others and set goals for myself right then and there.
I am a big supporter of the S.M.A.R.T. goals template in this context. Last year, when I decided to take the LSAT (Law School Admission Test), you bet I had a score I wanted to get, the timeframe I wanted to get it in, the prep materials I was going to use, the number of hours I was going to study every day, so on and so forth. Even though my plan needed adjusting at times, my commitment to it kept me disciplined even when I didn’t feel like studying.
Things I Want To Do More Of
The beginning of the year, the beginning of a new season, or the beginning of a new life circumstance tends to prompt me to reflect. I take account of my life and assess areas where it can improve.
After reflecting, I’ll commit to one or two resolutions or what I like to call: Things I Want To Do More Of. Disclaimer– I am a big believer in, If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It, as well as Be Kind To Yourself. I want my journey toward achieving my aspirations to add value to my life, not stress or guilt. Therefore, I really only commit to one or two objectives. A narrow focus is beneficial too because it allows me to pour more of my energy and attention into fewer arenas.
These Things I Want To Do More Of tend to be vague. I don’t measure them, but I know when they’re fulfilled. This year, it’s to read more books. Last year, it was to be more plugged into current events. Having vague goals is, I know, counter to everything we’re told about goal-setting, but, surprisingly enough, it works for me.
Vague aspirations allow me to create sustainable habits, because rather than forcing something that’s unsustainable into my routine, my focus on that objective naturally changes my priorities, and in turn, my habits. Last year, I wanted to be more informed by reading more articles. Instead of telling myself I had to dedicate a specific amount of time to reading per day, due to the fact that that focus point was at the forefront of my mind– whenever I was bored, I would click open an article voluntarily.
I’d catch myself scrolling through Instagram for the third time in a day and think: Is there a better way for me to spend this time? Wasn’t there something I wanted to do more of? Oh yes, it was to read articles!
I also started subscribing to more news outlets. Having an array of stories at my disposal definitely made reading a whole lot easier. I found that when I was eating by myself it was an opportune time to read as well. Now, reading articles during idle moments is a habit. I was able to organically create a new behavior through mental reminders and repeatedly choosing to spend my free time in accordance with my goal.
Things That Would Be Really Cool To Do
This third category involves ideas or interests that I tend to not write down, or even actively work towards achieving but would be really cool to accomplish. And more often than not, years later, I do accomplish these really cool things. There have been so many instances in my life where I’ve recognized an interest in something, forgot about it, and then later seemingly happened to accomplish it with ease, that I no longer think of these occurrences as lucky, but as manifestations.
I wholeheartedly believe I manifested writing for ESPN’s The Undefeated. Firstly, I remember discovering the outlet during college and thinking, I’d be really cool to get involved with this publication. Secondly, and most importantly, the habits I’ve developed over the years gave rise to the opportunity.
I’ll explain.
Last summer, one of my former professors invited me to speak at a virtual roundtable for his class. I said yes. I spoke. After the roundtable, he invited me to stay and listen to his next speaker, a writer from The Undefeated. I stayed. I listened. I asked questions. I emailed the speaker after. I initiated a follow-up conversation. During the call, we talked for more than an hour. I shared my story, and my thoughts, and my interests (including being involved with The Undefeated). So when he said:
“You’ve got a lot to say. Write it. Pitch it to my editor.” I ran with it.
The habits I’ve cultivated relating to building relationships, following through, engaging in conversation, etc, that are second nature to me now, impacted every decision I made in the aforementioned chain. And I intentionally make sure to implement these practices every chance I get.
Here, the FCN players, staff, and administrators all eat lunch in the same restaurant. Not very often do footballers have this type of access to club leadership, and I don’t take that lightly. If I’m not reading articles, you can probably guess what I’m doing…
