16. Big L, Little M | Soccer, She Wrote

Tuesday, May 10, 2022. 

Mother’s Day, for me, has always been a joyous occasion. Ever since I was a kid we’d celebrate the day by going to church and taking my Grandma Turner out to brunch in nearby Steilacoom, Wa. With both my grandmothers, all my aunties, my mother, and my step-mother all alive there has been more than enough loving women in my life to appreciate. This year, however, the day held deep sadness. My mother’s best friend and a motherly figure in my life, Linda recently passed away. 

This week’s blog is co-authored by mom, Karen and is dedicated to the ultimate soccer supporter in both of our lives, Linda aka “Big L”. 

Linda was “Big L” and Mariah was “Little M”.  Little M’s soccer journey began innocently.  I knew early on that Mariah was athletic and determined. Even as a bowlegged toddler, she was fast and would beat her brother and older cousin in backyard races.  Like any other kid, Mariah started in our local recreational youth soccer league, and a year or two later she graduated to club soccer.  Big L, my best friend, ran the local referee association and refereed many of Mariah’s club-level youth games. Big L was present at every stage of Mariah’s career and was her biggest fan. 

Linda passed away last week from a rare lung disease and the grief is fresh.  Many of my memories of her revolve around soccer. As the mom of one of the few black girls in a predominately white sport, I became accustomed to the double standard of fouls. Mariah was constantly getting called for fouls and it seemed to me that fouls were rarely called against her.  She was a physical and strong player, and Linda often had to talk me off a ledge when Mariah was called for fake fouls.  I remember one time when a ref told me during a tournament that we would need to take the beads out of Mariah’s freshly braided hair, and Big L said that she had seen the wooden beads smack girls in the face and it actually could hurt them (haha). 

I’ll never forget when Big L sat both of us down and demanded– in her mid-western, straight-shooting way– that Mariah leave her beloved club soccer team for one of the state’s best premiere teams, WPFC.  Looking back, it was a huge decision for an eleven-year-old, and one that changed Little M’s life and put her on the path to where she is today. I thank Big L for that.

As Little M progressed through all the levels of elite, national, international, college, and professional soccer, Big L’s support was steadfast. She would travel with me to watch Mariah play matches out-of-state, we’d have watch parties together when we couldn’t attend in person, and when Little M signed with the OL Reign, Big L was the first person to purchase a Lee jersey– she wore it with tremendous pride.  

During the last month of Linda’s life she was confined to an ICU hospital bed, connected to every tube imaginable, and could not speak.  As she laid in bed, I spoke to her about Mariah’s latest phantom foul that resulted in a red card.  Big L shook her head and rolled her eyes. Even though Little M is a pro soccer player, some things never do change.

It’s a difficult thing to watch a friend that is near your age pass away right before your very eyes.  You have moments of despair and moments of crazy hopefulness. Miracles happen every day, right?  This process of life to death is painful, yet natural and necessary.  It asks each of us the questions: Why are we here?  Will anyone remember me when I’m gone?  Will my life make a difference?

Linda’s life made a difference.  Not in the way of a politician, judge, or doctor, but a difference just the same.  Big L had a degree in journalism but decided to devote her life to others.  She worked at the elementary and middle school that Little M attended as a teacher’s assistant.  She loved to be needed and was a fierce friend and advocate for those she cared about. She was the glue that held all things together – her family, our over-50 soccer team, our friendship. She always wanted everyone to feel included. She had the capacity to live her life completely different than mine and I admired her for it. 

Throughout our friendship, I was incredibly busy with my career and Linda was never judgmental.  With all of the trials and tribulations of a young family, troubled marriage, bills, career, and soccer demands, she was more like a mother to me than a friend. 

As time progressed and our kids got older, Seattle was selected for an MLS Franchise – the Seattle Sounders.   Big L and I became season ticket holders, seat buddies, and were regular fixtures at soccer events over the years.  This past Wednesday, the Seattle Sounders won the Concacaf Championship, a holy grail of MLS Soccer, and the stadium was electric. Towards the end of the game, a young Mexican man sitting in the row in front of me was crying bitterly for Pumas and I was crying bitterly for my lost friend.  I took a picture of Linda’s empty seat and posted it on Facebook.   

A friend of mine replied:  “Gone, but not forgotten”.

Big L and my mom met in my kindergarten class at Soos Creek Elementary because her son, Kurt and I were in the same class. Their friendship developed as Linda convinced my mom to join her adult women’s soccer team, as my mom had taken an interest in the sport after watching me play. Most of the women on her team shared a similar path because soccer wasn’t offered to them when they were growing up. 

With these Soccer-Playing Soccer Moms my mom found community and sisterhood. As with all siblings they had their quarrels. When my mom would miss games or show up late due to work, Big L would be the one fighting for my mom when the other sisters would be pissed off. Not only was Big L my biggest fan, she was my mom’s biggest fan, too. 

Linda was always there for my mom, whether that be cheering her on at a work event, for emotional support, or in a pinch to take me to practice when it was my mom’s night and traffic was harrowing. Even from afar, Linda taught me a lot about friendship. Great friends love you for all that you are, offer grace when you’re imperfect, hype you up the loudest, and, when needed, give you some hard truths (no, the ref who asked you to take the wooden beads out of Little M’s hair wasn’t racist). Great friends fill your blind spots. Big L was able to take pressure off my mom when her career did the extreme opposite. Big L encouraged my mom to relax, make time for herself, and live life to the fullest. 

One of my favorite memories with Big L was during the summer going into my sophomore year of college. She organized a trip up to Vancouver, B.C. for us to watch the 2015 Women’s World Cup final between the U.S. and Japan. Carli Lloyd’s hat trick and the USWNT’s commanding win over Japan to be crowned as World Cup Champions during the height of their Equal Pay campaign is a moment I will never forget. 

Linda not only inspired me to enjoy life but also to be an unbelievable friend. Support, dependability, compassion, and loyalty are traits that often go under-appreciated. Linda embodied all of these qualities and so much more.